SEXUAL PROBLEMS

It is impossible to calculate the frequency of sexual problems which may mar or destroy a  relationship as until recently, people were ashamed to seek help.
In men and women, four sexual problems occur.  In  men the  problems are 1. Inhibited sexual desire. 2. Premature ejaculation 3. Retarded ejaculation  and  4. Erectile failure.

A man  who has an inhibited sexual desire is unable to become sexually aroused by his partner and consequently cannot perform sexually as he cannot obtain an erection. A man who has premature ejaculation becomes sexually  aroused and obtains an erection, but ejaculates either before or  very soon after penetration. The speed with which this happens may prevent the woman from obtaining sexual pleasure. A man who has retarded ejaculation is able to engage in sexual intercourse but  fails to reach orgasm and ejaculate. A man who has erectile failure usually is sexually aroused but is unable to achieve an erection so that he cannot engage in sexual intercourse. This may  make his partner sexually frustrated and may damage his image of himself as a virile man. Diseases, drugs and alcoholism may cause these sexual problems in some men but in most of them, it is a psycho-sexual problem which can usually be resolved with the help of their partner and perhaps a counselor.
In women four sexual problems occur;
1. Inhibited sexual desire; a woman who has  inhibited sexual desire may not wish for or enjoy sex but she may permit her partner to have sexual  intercourse with her out of a sense of duty. Some women with this sexual problem are so upset with the idea of sexual intercourse that they refuse to have sex or make excuses to avoid having sex.
2. The second problem is that sexual intercourse is painful so that it is either abandoned or causes such a severe upset that it is never pleasurable. This problem is called DYSPAREUNIA which means painful intercourse. It  can occur because of fear and anxiety about sexual intercourse which in turn result in  lack of arousal, insufficient lubrication and pain. Discomfort can also result from various gynaecological problems such as vaginal infection, or from trauma as a result of rape or childhood sexual abuse.When a woman becomes fearful of the pain associated with sexual intercourse, she may  spontaneously contract the muscles surrounding the vaginal entrance. This spontaneous contraction of the  muscles around the vagina is known as vaginismus.
3. The third problem is that although the woman has a  normal sexual desire, she fails to be ' turned on' by her partner during sexual pleasuring. Because of this her vagina fails to become lubricated and wet and the soft swellings at its entrance fail to develop. When sexual intercourse takes place, she obtains little or no pleasure. This problem is called lowered libido.
4. Orgastic  dysfunction; This  is when a woman is unable to reach orgasm.Women who never reach an orgasm  whatever the stimulation have orgastic dysfunction.
There are  several reasons why some women have sexual problems, and they differ in different circumstances. The causes  of women's sexual problems are very similar to those which cause sexual problems in men. They include; marital disharmony, poor relationship with her partner, emotional stress due to environmental factors, ignorance about sexual matters, guilt and shame  about sexuality, illness, depression, drugs, ill health and fatigue.
With counseling understanding and the help her partner every woman with a sexual problem can be helped.
If  one of the couple feels hostility towards the other and is unable to talk openly about the problem, marital disharmony may result with a consequent reduction in sexual desire and arousal.Unless partners can talk with each other, the sexual problem may become magnified.