Not all abuse is physical in nature and may not necessarily
involve sores and bruises, some are verbal or silent. Emotional abuse is often
very destructive and harmful, leaving the victims with unseen pains and scars
that would take years and years of counseling
to overcome. Regrettably, because there are no ugly scars or
bruises, society doesn’t
lend as much credence to
emotional abuse as it should, and
even the victims play down on this ill.
Emotional abuse is the most difficult kind of abuse to
recognize, but anyone who has been a victim can smell it from far away. It’s a
form of abuse that cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may
be far deeper and more lasting than the physical ones. Abusive relationships
distort the victim’s perspectives,
making them feel worthless about themselves and making them believe they
do not have a choice or any value at all outside the relationship with the
abuser. This ‘brain-washing’ feeling or belief of shame and worthlessness makes
it difficult for the victim to get out of the relationship and stay away for
good. This is exactly what the abuser wants – to control the relationship. Most
emotional abusers are ‘ loved’ ones’,
such as spouses, parents, siblings, etc. The abused don’t usually show
they are being abused and never talk about the on-going emotional torture
because of embarrassment and fear.
Recipients of abuse often struggle with feelings of
weakness, fear, hurt and anger. Ironically, abusers tend to struggle with these
feelings too because they are likely to
have been raised in abusive environments
and became abusive as an alternative way
of dealing with their feelings. Abusers are usually attracted to people who
have learnt not to value their own feelings, opinions or perceptions.
ABUSERS USE THE FOLLOWING TACTICS ON THEIR VICTIMS
·
Isolating the victim from friends and family and
routinely humiliating the victim in front of others by calling him/her
derogatory names.
·
Extreme jealousy when victim talks to or spends time
with other people.
·
Blaming the victim for everything, thus making
the victim develop a sense of guilt.
·
Constantly criticizing the victim’s looks, way
of dressing, weight, etc. Nothing he/
she does is ever right.
·
Discouraging victim’s independent activities,
such as work, school, etc.
·
Expects him /her to do what he/ she is uncomfortable
with just to prove their love.
·
Making all decisions without asking for the
othe’s opinion.
·
Threatens to withdraw privileges, hurt or harm
victim or children or threatens to abandon victim.
Recognizing abuse is a huge part of stopping abuse. The
victims have to be able to tell themselves the truth and shield themselves from
the constant lies they hear from the abuser because they deserve better. The
victim has to be firm and clear with his/ her decisions to make serious changes
in the relationship. Confronting the abuser and setting boundaries could help
but know that one cannot change the abuser except they want to change. Reaching
out to family, friends, or a trusted hand for help would also help to crack the
ice on the abuse. In some extreme cases, if the abuse is really severe, the
victim is better off leaving such an environment for physical and mental
reasons.
In addition to all these, the society has to take emotional
abuse seriously with more medical experts in this field to help victims. This
would go a long way in making abused victims come out of their holes. We
definitely don’t want a society full of morons. Also the home is the foundation
for every individual and the society at large, and if both parents express
their love to each other and also share this with their child, the society will
be a much better place.
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